Saturday, June 23, 2007

Hired guns.

As if the housefly couldn't have given me anymore reason to detest him and swear destruction on his kind.

With the June 2007 Invasion of the Houseflies beaten back by the superior Kudronian forces, the omnipresent entity that is the housefly resorted to thug tactics and goonery. In a truly diabolical move, the housefly has hired a mercenary to invade - the armyworm moth.

Approximately 75 minutes ago, my night was going well. I was watching Baseball Tonight and SportsCenter, relaxing on the couch. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I see an object fluttering in the room near the lamp. To my horror, it is the armyworm moth. Second later, I see another gruesome creature on the wall, a black insect roughly the size of a quarter. I could not tell what it was, perhaps a beetle of some kind. I did my best to murder the menace on the wall, but it is clear now that it was the fall guy. The moth has since vanished.

I am currently in a sting operation against said moth. I have sealed off every door in the house that I can in an attempt to limit where the moth travels, and I have turned off every light except the four lights on the ceiling fan in the living room. They are the brightest lights in the house - but the moth is not being drawn to them. It is possible the spy escaped to the basement via the ventilation system, and if so, this battle is over for now.

This is low, even for you, housefly. Your petty offensive fails, and you resorted to hiring a moth mercenary? This screams of classlessness and desperation. The moth is a foul brute; it makes no sound, it doesn't move particularly fast. It is a primitive baffoon, drawn to the light like a mindless automaton.

I have no idea how it got in. Perhaps it was here all along; a sleeper cell, waiting for the signal from its spineless leader - the housefly - to activate and begin its operation.

I have dealt with these moths at my auxiliary base; they do not die easily, and they vanish for long periods at a time, reappearing only when your guard is down. But eventually...they die too.

So fine, housefly. You want to resort to sending hired guns for me, so be it. But like you did before it, this moth will fail in its task. And it will die, suffering the fate of so many others. And then, once I have disposed of it, I will destroy you, so you may never disrupt me again. Proactive measures WILL be taken, housefly - and you will not survive.

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