Thursday, June 21, 2007

I have seen the enemy, and he is repulsive.

Oh, housefly, you loathsome son of a bitch. You sent scouts over the last few days for the purposes of reconnassaince. The first scout was a clumsy fool, and was easily disposed of. The second one proved to be much more resilient. It evaded me for quite some time and even survived two direct shots from my bug zapper. In the end though, it too met its doom, twisting and twitching as it fried to death before being extinguished in a typhoon of water.

It is evident now though, that the scout was able to transmit instructions back to its home base. And now, housefly, you have invaded my realm, determined to slowly destroy me via constant annoying and general intolerableness. I awoke today to a different world; a world infested with you and your vermin. Your swarms of attackers have been repelled to the best of my ability. But I can only do so much. Your patrols are elusive and devious, hiding in the nooks and crannies of my home like you know it more than I do. And yet you are ever present, swarming the instant I turn away, announcing your vile presence with that sound you make; that sound that haunts me in my nightmares: Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Words cannot accurately describe the hatred in my heart for that noise. Never before has there been a more intrusive sound. The fury that buzzing arouses inside me surpasses any feeling I have had before in my 18+ years on this earth. My religious love for Michigan football is dwarfed by the unbridaled and unrestrained contempt I feel whenever one of your soldiers announces his presence.

And now the battle may be at a stalemate. I have found your point of entry, housefly, and sealed it off. The fighters you have sent now stand alone, with no way out. On the other hand, my weapon, the one that has sentenced so many of your outlaws to death via electrocution, has been disabled, perhaps permanently.

So now we are in a standoff, housefly. You can send reinforcements, but they will not have access. And it is only a matter of time until I flush out the remaining rebels.

You will not win this war, housefly. You outnumber me, but you also underestimate me. I will never stop hunting your troops down. I have my own reinforcements on the way, and once they arrive, it will be the death knell for you and your indignant invasion.

"From Hell's hot...I stab at thee....For hate's sake...I spit my last breath at thee."

1 comment:

Matt said...

Maybe you could jury rig your old PS2 to be a bug killing machine...